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Dr. Lee Young-sook's Character Column
This is a story from when I appeared as a discipline expert on the SBS program "My Child Has Changed." During the broadcast, I met a child named Jun-su (pseudonym), who was yelling at his parents, "Hurry up, you bad guy! Hurry!" and "Do you want to die? I'll kill you, Mom!" even in front of the production team and me.
As soon as Jun-su's mother met me, she exclaimed, "Doctor, I'm so exhausted. Just seeing my child makes me tired." To measure Jun-su's anxiety level, we briefly left him alone in an unfamiliar space, and he cried out, "I'm scared, Mom! I'm scared!" He was in a state of extreme confusion, where high anxiety and an inability to control aggression mixed with the emotional turmoil of fear and insecurity.
Upon counseling, I found that the family's issues stemmed from the indiscriminate use of corporal punishment every time the child acted out. They excessively pressured him to admit he was wrong whenever he caused problems. Because the parents could not regulate their emotions and behaviors and resorted to physical punishment, the child also became unable to exercise self-control. Self-control is defined as doing what needs to be done rather than what one wants to do (as per Goodtree Character School). Children are most influenced by their parents' character. When parents display a lack of self-control, children tend to imitate their angry words and actions. Ultimately, a child's ability to self-regulate is determined by how much their parents can control their own words and actions.
If you want to cultivate the trait of self-control in your children, parents should first practice the following principles of character.
[Goodtree Character School's Self-Control 1-3-10 Formula]
Self-control is the ability to manage your emotions when anger suddenly rises. You can solve problems wisely without exploding in anger. When you feel your anger reaching its peak, try using the self-control 1-3-10 formula I created. The self-control 1-3-10 formula is as follows: [1]: At the moment you feel angry, stop what you're doing and shout "Self-control!" to yourself once. [3]: Take three deep breaths. [10]: Slowly count from 1 to 10 in your mind, and when you feel calm and at peace, then speak and act. The key to self-control is not to let anger take over but to pause for a moment, slow down, and give yourself time to think before acting.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, "True happiness arises from self-control." While it is challenging to develop the trait of self-control, it is essential for a happy family and our lives.
Self-control is:
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Step 1 Definition:
When I want to do something my way, I say "STOP!" and engage in positive behavior.
Step 2 Definition:
Doing what needs to be done instead of what I want to do.
Dr. Lee Young-sook
Director of Goodtree USA | President of the Korean Character Association | Former Professor at Konyang University
Columnist for parenting character education for Naver and Chosun Ilbo | Guest speaker for the Blue House, Korean Educational and Academic Information Service, Ministry of Education, and Education Offices
Broadcast appearances: EBS 60-Minute Parents, SBS My Child Has Changed, MBC Kkurugi Meal Classroom, KBS My Friend is Seven, CBS Sebasi, and more as an education expert
Publications: Numerous works including "12 Character Theories," "Character Communication Methods," "Character Discipline Methods," "Character Parenting Methods," "Character Innovation," and "Character Play.
