I am a stay-at-home mom with two daughters, aged 6 and 8. It hasn't been easy so far, but these days are the hardest. My daughters take turns causing trouble and sometimes behave in ways I don't like, but what troubles me the most is my inability to manage my emotions as a mother. I constantly reflect on my shortcomings in fulfilling my role as a mom, but each day feels like a repeat of the last. What should I do?

This is a heartbreaking story of someone who wants to be a good mother but is frustrated by the reality of parenting. According to psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, the best nurturing environment is one that allows for appropriate frustrations, meaning that a "good enough mother" creates the most favorable conditions for raising children. This refers to a mother who doesn't strive for perfection and can acknowledge her mistakes and failures, aiming for about a 70% success rate.

Around the age of entering elementary school, children begin to develop autonomy and independence, wanting to do things their own way and becoming stubborn. This is a natural part of their growth process, but mothers who desire perfection may interpret their children's behavior as intentionally troublesome. At this stage, children may refuse to listen to their mother's nagging, even blocking their ears, which can leave mothers feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.

Do you want to raise a well-behaved and happy child? If so, you first need to understand what discipline truly means.

Discipline refers to parenting methods that prevent children from engaging in unacceptable behaviors—such as actions that are dangerous, harmful to their health, or detrimental to others. It should be done calmly, consistently, and firmly, without losing respect for the child.

Around the age of 6, children start making friends and experiencing community. They learn to accept social order and the limits of what is permissible, as well as basic self-regulation. If these lessons are not taught at home, children may question authority, asking, "My mom said it was okay, but why does my teacher say it isn't?" This can lead to school refusal and difficulties in adapting to school life. If you want your child to be happy, they need to take responsibility for their actions and learn to endure and overcome challenges.

Every mother, at times, struggles with feelings of inadequacy, clumsiness, and mistakes, leading to despair and difficult nights. This is part of the process of being a mother. Are you suffering and struggling today because of your feelings of inadequacy? How about taking some time for self-healing, reassuring yourself, "It's okay, you're doing well!"?

Mothers also need comfort and encouragement. This is essential for nurturing a warm demeanor, allowing them to gather strength and grow happily alongside their children.

Written by Professor Park Hyo-sook

Director of the New Jersey Family Ministry / Doctor of Ministry in Pastoral Counseling

For counseling appointments: hyosook0510@gmail.com

"Is there anything more challenging than parenting? Any parent who has raised a child would likely agree with this question. Am I truly raising my child correctly? How well do I really know my child?

At Mom & Baby, we present expert counseling cases in a Q&A format, offering wisdom for proper child-rearing. We hope this counseling corner will be beneficial and helpful to many parents with young children.