Mom & I Editorial Team

Q: I want to raise a healthy child who eats well. I am a full-time homemaker raising my three-year-old son. The most challenging part of my day is getting him to eat three meals. The battle with mealtime, which began when I started introducing solid foods, is becoming increasingly exhausting. Even when I try to get him to open his mouth for just one more spoonful of the nutritious meals I prepare with fresh ingredients, he still has food in his mouth that he hasn't swallowed. He holds onto it without chewing. However, when it comes to his favorite foods, he gobbles them down. After I finally manage to get him to eat breakfast, it's time for lunch, and then dinner comes around. Fortunately, his weight and height are within the normal range. Where did it all go wrong?

A: I appreciate your heartfelt expression of the challenges of parenting and your desire to raise a healthy child. At three years old, children begin to develop autonomy, independence, and a sense of self-direction. They want to do things for themselves, including putting on shoes, getting dressed, and eating. If you are forcing your child to eat more in line with a developmental checklist you have in mind, it may be time to stop and adjust your perspective to meet your child's needs. It’s important to provide foods that appeal to their taste so they can enjoy mealtime. Learning to feel full is essential for recognizing hunger and managing portion sizes. If you pressure your child by saying, “Hurry up and eat! Chew quickly!” they may unconsciously resist by holding food in their mouth, expressing their unwillingness to eat. If your frustration shows through angry expressions or inappropriate language, it could negatively impact their self-esteem.

Children's food preferences are often closely related to what their mothers consumed during pregnancy or breastfeeding. During the sensitive period of ages 2 to 7, unless food refusal leads to harmful picky eating or nutritional deficiencies, the priority should be to help them enjoy eating. It can also be beneficial to wait until around age 8, when taste buds begin to stabilize.

At this age, eating is not their top priority. If you can let go of the obsession with feeding them, your child will instinctively seek food for survival. Establishing healthy eating habits in a designated time and place is crucial. This is a time when the saying “You can’t even drink water in front of the kids” holds true, so demonstrating a positive attitude toward food and enjoying meals together as a family is the best form of mealtime education.

Is there anything more challenging than parenting? Parents who have raised children would likely agree with this question. As a parent, am I truly raising my child correctly? How well do I know my child? At Mom & I, we present expert counseling cases in a Q&A format to offer wisdom for proper child-rearing. We hope this counseling corner will be beneficial and helpful to many parents with young children.

Written by Professor Park Hyo-sook  
Director of New Jersey Family Ministry / Doctor of Pastoral Counseling  
Counseling Reservations: hyosook0510@gmail.com