The Family of May: The Story of Trevor, Acacia, and Bennie

Photo Credit: Private Collection

By Lee Hyun-kyung

A person carrying a vase filled with yellow sunflowers and blue roses briskly walks into the living room. A cocktail bar and food table are being busily set up. The house is filled with delightful food scents, the giggles of women, a bustling front door, and fluttering decorations. Clearly, it's a party. Today is the first birthday of little Bennie. A 22-year-old mother, Acacia, a 22-year-old father, Trevor, and one-year-old Bennie form this unique family. In a time when late marriages and non-marriage are common, theirs is a rare story. It is said that it takes 500 lifetimes to simply brush past someone, and 7,000 to become partners. How, then, did Bennie come into this world, becoming a family? This story on Bennie's first birthday piques curiosity about Trevor, Acacia, and Bennie.

February 20, 2016

Acacia does not recall this day, but Trevor remembers it vividly. It was the day he first saw Acacia. Can it be interpreted as the more one remembers, the more one loves? Trevor’s expression is serious as he recounts their first meeting. They met through a therapy program at a hospital. At the time, Acacia, a university student, was receiving counseling for college depression, which affects over 60% of students. Trevor was attending for similar reasons. Despite Acacia’s silence and expressionlessness, her tall figure and unique beauty caught Trevor’s attention. Around the same time, Trevor was also experiencing difficult times. Adopted into an American family at four months old and raised well, stepping into adulthood brought confusion. Amidst their silent struggles, they met, nurtured love, and eventually built a family. Their affectionate smiles towards each other are somehow distinctive.

What Did You Like About Each Other?

Acacia:
Kindness and consideration. Small warmth, attention to the tiniest details about me. These things appealed to me. At that time, I was very lonely and struggled a lot, but Trevor was a great solace to my pain.

Trevor:
I'm not sure I can precisely articulate it, but there was a different feeling, an emotion I'd never experienced before. Despite her silence and lack of expression, I was constantly drawn to her. She seemed like she was inside her world and didn’t want to come out, which made me want to help her.

How Do You Feel About Being Bennie’s Parents Now?

Acacia:
I'm not exactly sure how to describe it. Parenting seems difficult, yet every day is new, and Bennie brings me happiness. My life feels entirely arranged around Bennie.

There's a Saying That a Woman Only Truly Understands Her Mother Once She Becomes One. What’s Your Take on It?

Acacia:
I agree. Upon becoming a mother, I immediately wanted to apologize to my mom. Now, I understand the things my mom said or did, which I couldn’t comprehend before. This understanding brings a sense of apology and gratitude.

Trevor, It’s Said You Had a Different Upbringing.

Trevor:
Yes, I’m Korean by birth, but my father, Kevin, and my mother, Jo Ann, are Irish. I was adopted at four months old, and so, despite being Korean, I don’t speak the language nor have any memories of Korea. My adopted parents have taken in five Korean children including me. When my sister and I reached elementary school age, they arranged for us to learn Korean from a tutor. I thought I studied hard back then, but unfortunately, I remember nothing now.

Did You Get Along Well with Your Siblings Growing Up?

Trevor:
There are those who hold preconceptions due to us all being adopted, but our family was quite normal. We fought when there needed to be fights, cried, and yet managed to get along well.

What Kind of People Do You Consider Your Adoptive Parents?

Trevor:
I don’t know about other parents, but my mom and dad seem to understand what raising children entails. They are wise, and they are devoted to the children. Even when conflicts arose between them, they always prioritized us, pushing their disagreements aside for our sake. They committed themselves fully. Perhaps because I'm the eldest, my mother relies on me quite a bit, so I think often of my parents as well.

Can You Share a Childhood Memory That Stands Out the Most for You?

Trevor:
From a young age, my parents wanted to introduce us to America. So, every summer, we rented a camping van (RV) and traveled for a month. Last year, when we visited Alaska, we completed visiting all 50 states. We spent unforgettable times, learning about the characteristics of each state and visiting national parks. It remains one of my best memories.

Having Experienced Great Parenting from Your Parents, You’re Likely to Be a Great Father to Bennie. Is There Anything You’d Like to Say to Bennie for His First Birthday?

Trevor:
Since every single day of the past year has been happy, I look forward to all the days to come. I want to tell Bennie that I will always be there for him and that once he’s a little older, I’ll become his sports coach.

Acacia:
I want Bennie to know that I’ll always be proud of everything he does, love him, and take care of him consistently.

Jo Ann, A Mother to Five Adoptees and Bennie’s Grandmother, Is Referred to as an Angel.

There is a ‘pattern’ in life. Sometimes the days are meaningfully satisfying, other times awkward and half-baked, but when you look at the grand picture of life, there is usually a unique pattern. Jo Ann describes the pattern engraved in her life as ‘God’s provision.’ She sees it as a beautiful picture completed by God’s will for her. A devout Catholic, Jo Ann adopted and raised five children and continues to be the ever-loving mother she was from the start. Furthermore, with her beloved eldest son Trevor gifting her with Bennie, she stands excitedly at the cusp of another ‘new beginning.’ As she offers coffee, her face is bright and confident. I feel a connection with her story of adopting five Korean children, not entirely unrelated to me as a Korean, and asked directly.

What Inspired You to Undertake the Daunting Task of Adopting Five Children?

“ It was simply my passion. Since childhood, when asked what I wanted to be, I would always say I wanted to be a mom. I love children. I married Kevin with dreams of having many children and living as a large family, but ironically, I couldn’t conceive. Adoption naturally became the path. Having adopted five children and raised them, I still spend three days a week looking after kids at a kindergarten.”

Why Did You Choose to Adopt All Five Children from Korea?

At 16, I once saw a white woman holding an Asian baby while shopping with my mom and told her I wanted to adopt an Asian child. My mom encouraged me. After marriage and realizing we couldn’t have children, Kevin agreed to adopt an Asian child. After adopting our first child, Sammy from Korea, subsequent adoptions followed naturally. There wasn’t a specific plan to only adopt Korean children, but maybe because our first was from Korea, all siblings came from Korea too. We actually wanted to adopt six, but the twins, Harry and Andy, were premature, and raising children with developmental delays and obstacles made us stop after them.

People Refer to You As an Angel for Successfully Raising Premature Twins. What Thoughts Did You Have When You First Adopted Them?

Knowing the children were premature didn’t mean much to me. Would it have been different if they were biological? I believe children are God’s gift, irrespective of whether they are born to us or adopted, so I didn’t struggle with it and accepted it naturally. I did have physical challenges while raising them, but I managed, and the kids grew well, which is something I’m thankful for.

What Was The Most Challenging Aspect of Raising Them?

The challenges aren’t distinctly different for adopted children. However, the adoption process is meticulous and time-consuming, and having prior adoption experience doesn’t ease the procedure. On top of that, there are annual inspections checking compliance with regulations and absence of abuse, which might feel intrusive. But from the children's protection standpoint, it's crucial. Anything beyond that was at par with what any family goes through.

Can You Share One Memorable Experience Raising Your Children?

I always felt guilty bringing the children into America, a foreign land, and wanted to teach them early about it. So, every year, we took a one-month vacation, traveling across the U.S. By 2016, with Alaska, we completed all 50 states. Those trips remain my happiest memories.

What Was Trevor Like As a Child?

Trevor was always quiet and thoughtful. His appearance hasn’t changed much from then to now. Despite his shyness, he loved sports. He was always a loving son to me, but he seemed fonder of males. Even if he spent the whole day with me, he wouldn’t leave Kevin’s side when he returned. Bennie is just like that now.