A legacy-driven media platform documenting Korean excellence in culture, economy, and identity
By Professor Hyosook Park
Photo Credit: Unsplash
Raising a child is no easy feat. For anyone who has ever parented, this statement resonates deeply. As parents, we constantly question whether we are nurturing our children appropriately and how well we truly know them. The "Mom and I Counseling" segment aims to impart wisdom on effective parenting through professional consultations, benefiting countless young parents with young children.
Kangjja is a 40-month-old boy. His mother nicknamed him "Kangjja" due to his habit of whining and being greedy. One day, while eating snacks, a friend approached. Seeing the friend, Kangjja hurriedly stuffed the snack into his mouth and hid the bag behind his back. Fearing the friend might take it, he pushed his friend away and began to cry loudly. Kangjja’s mother, a church deacon known for her generosity, worries about his social development as this behavior seems contrary to her teachings of sharing everything, from toys to food.
Children generally become aware of sharing by around 36 months. This is the age when social development begins subtly. They start understanding relationships between actions and praise, transitioning from instinct-driven to thought-driven behavior. Prior to this age, they may not grasp the concept of sharing and instead feel anxious and apprehensive about losing what is theirs.
Rather than scolding Kangjja as a child who "doesn't know how to share," it's crucial to understand his anxiety and fears, explaining and consoling him with language he can comprehend. Children insufficiently nurtured at this stage often exhibit lifelong tendencies of possessiveness.
Encouraging Kangjja to help carry light groceries, followed by praise such as "I'm happy when you help, Kangjja; thank you," gives him a sense of pride and boosts his self-esteem. Praise fosters emotional security and positive thinking at this age and reinforces correct behavior while naturally correcting undesirable actions.
It was suggested to change Kangjja’s nickname to "Sechan," meaning vigorous and strong, to carry positive connotations. Furthermore, when sharing, it is important to always ask for his opinion, acknowledging the emerging sense of ownership at this age.
Note: The counseling case and names have been adapted with permission for this column.
Professor Hyosook Park
Doctor of Pastoral Counseling
Graduate of Seoul Theological University's Counseling Graduate School
Former Professor at Blanton-Peale Counseling Institute
Current Director of the New Jersey Family Ministry
