The Challenge of Parenting: Insights for Young Parents

By Park Hyo-sook

Photo Credit: iStock

In the realm of challenges, is there anything more daunting than parenting? For those who have raised a child, this question often meets with unified agreement. As parents, questions inevitably arise: Am I raising my child correctly? How well do I truly know my child? Our "Mom & I Counseling" corner provides expert guidance through case studies to support young parents with small children.

Q: My Child Tells Obvious Lies

My child is a 40-month-old boy with a 15-month-old younger brother. Even when observed hitting his sibling, if asked why, he insists, "I didn’t hit him." When asked if he brushed his teeth, he responds with a nonchalant "Yes," even when he hasn’t. Upon further questioning, he eventually falters and bursts into tears. Despite repeated emphasis that lying is wrong, there’s been no improvement. He even fabricates stories, claiming to have played with a dinosaur last night.

What should I do about my child?

A: Understanding the Misleading Behavior

The child who once smiled peacefully now throws tantrums, causes mischief, and even lies, leaving the mother anxious and confused.

Typically, children begin lying around 36 months of age. This can worry parents, who fear that unchecked lying might lead to bigger behavioral issues. While a parent's heart may sink seeing their child lie, it’s important to recognize this as a developmental milestone. However, ignoring this behavior is not advisable either; understanding the root cause is crucial. Facilitate honesty by encouraging open expression. A harsh approach may only lead to craftier lies in the future. Labeling the child as a "liar" can lead to emotional scars, affecting their lifelong emotional development.

Children often wish to impress their parents, especially their primary caregiver, in order to maintain love and approval. They lie to avoid reprimand, firmly believing it will secure continued affection. In cases of sibling conflict, rather than immediate scolding, empathize with the underlying emotions. Say, "You felt upset when your brother bothered you, didn’t you? That’s why you lied about hitting him. It would be great if you could be honest next time." Ensure your child remains confident in your love. Their lies at this age are often impulsive responses aimed at self-preservation. Occasionally, they blur the lines between fantasy and reality, fostering creativity. If the behavior persists, seek professional advice.

Lying is part of a child's maturation process. Consider it an opportunity to teach them the distinction between right and wrong. 

For a child to admit mistakes and embrace honesty, they must be assured they are "okay." Their resolve not to repeat mistakes strengthens through experiences of love and trust, gradually eliminating bad habits rooted in dishonesty.

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